Lindsay Lohan Actually Looks Good? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! And Other News

July 27th, 2014 // 1 Comment

- Jennifer Lawrence might be single again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Aretha Franklin will eat her goddamn burger wherever she wants, Johnny Rockets. [Dlisted]

- So the axe goes up her butt? Is that what I’m supposed to take away from this? [Fishwrapper]

- Sunday Is A Good Day For Lingerie [theCHIVE]

- And Sara Sampaio apparently got the memo. [Popoholic]

- Jennette McCurdy isn’t a role model, you guys. [WWTDD]

- This is why everyone hates PETA. [The Daily Banter]

- There’s a full HD quality leak of The Expendables 3 floating around. [Starpulse]

- Shit. Jenelle Evans had another baby? Godammit. [tooFab]

- No one bought Robin Thicke‘s album, so he’s done pretending to want Paula Patton back. [IDLYITW]

- Kelly Brook dancing to “Blurred Lines,” anyone? [Hollywood Tuna]

- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of The Week [Celebslam]

- Gene Simmons‘ daughter’s big breastses in a wet T-shirt. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet, Xposure/AKM-GSI

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.20

July 26th, 2014 // 29 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet because sometimes this site makes fun of celebrities instead of talking about nerd shit for an entire morning. (I’m as shocked as you are.) So enjoy all of that while I sit around refreshing Comic-Con updates because how fun can women’s vaginas be? No, seriously, I’m asking. Tell me everything.

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Comic-Con Day 2: I’m In Love With A Giant

July 26th, 2014 // 17 Comments

Welcome to Day Two of our Comic-Con coverage which I’m telling myself will justify beefing this Friday to go see Guardians of The Galaxy and spending way too long writing a dick-joke laden review of it. Lies are fun. Anyway, let’s get to it. I’ve still got Most Important People to put up when I should be on the couch replenishing my word juice.

Comic-Con Day 2 After The Jump

The Crap We Missed – Friday 7.25.14

July 25th, 2014 // 354 Comments

The Crap We Missed where it’s just another day, another embarrassing, drunk public appearance for Kiefer Sutherland. This guy needs some new material. We’ve also got Vin Diesel basking in his almost non-speaking role in which he’s rendered completely unrecognizable with CG effects, Ireland Baldwin at the bottom of the Republicans’ dreaded slippery slope, and Queen Elizabeth who just knows this bitch is about to take her phone out and start texting through this whole thing.

Seriously, there should be laws against these people,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Khloe Kardashian’s Acting Pregnant Now

July 25th, 2014 // 19 Comments

I should probably spill my intestines with a knife for even knowing this, but I could’ve sworn there was an episode of the Keeping Up With The Kardashians where Khloe found out she couldn’t get pregnant because her uterus is lopsided (and a Sasquatch’s). Yet here she is on Instagram holding her stomach with nothing but a heart for a caption. Then again, maybe she just ate some picnic baskets. She definitely loves those.

Photos: AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kate Gosselin’s Nanny Escaped To Tell Her Tale

July 25th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Jon Sues For Custody
Kate Gosselin
Except For The Twins. They're Tainted. Read More »

In a surprising move considering Kate Gosselin‘s eyes see all, and in the darkness, all see Kate, one of her nannies has escaped the compound and is talking to the media about just how anal a shrill mother of eight kids can be. As for how the nanny escaped, I’d assume by using the children to dig a series of intricate tunnels not unlike the Viet Cong. And if that seems racist, I’m not the one who shoved them out of my vagina for that exact purpose. Take it up with their mother. E! News reports:

“We always had to refer to the manual because it listed her pet peeves,” the nanny told E! News in a recent interview. “You couldn’t put anything on the ground. You had to put shoes in a certain spot. You couldn’t close doors loudly. You could only vacuum during certain times of the day if she was home.”

On top of never put things on the floor in a house full of eight children, the nannies were also encouraged to eavesdrop on the kids’ phone calls with Jon which seems risky considering one of them might be seduced by his talk of ATVs and betray their master: More »

Paris Hilton Made Another Carl’s Jr. Commercial

July 25th, 2014 // 33 Comments
Paris Hilton Carls Jr 2014

Like a flare up that eventually goes away if you just stop itching it, Paris Hilton is being shoved into our faces again with a new Carl’s Jr. ad that she’s somehow getting all the credit for despite the fact it stars Hannah Ferguson and Paris is just a cameo which is fucking bullshit. Hannah’s a legitimate Sports Illustrated swimsuit model while the only thing Paris Hilton’s done to deserve attention is fall out of a wealthy vagina. And even then somebody had to pull her out. She literally just sat there going, “Gawd. This is taking forever.”

Carl’s Jr ‘I Love Texas’ After The Jump

The Selena Gomez I Missed – Friday 7.25.14

July 25th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Selena Gomez and Cara Delevingne‘s lesbian vacation is officially over, so here are the rest of Selena’s outfits in St. Tropez that I didn’t post yesterday because I was too busy covering such hard-hitting news as Superman with a lightsaber and The Queen actually smiling which probably explains this. There’s your answer right there.

Photos: Abaca / Vantagenews / AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Splash News

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