- I’ve always thought these two should get together. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kid Rock‘s glass dildo has been subpoenaed. You just read that. [Dlisted]
- If You Like Tattoos, Get In Here [theCHIVE]
- The fucking Amish are sick of hearing Farrah Abraham‘s shit. [Fishwrapper]
- The more I hear Blake Lively talk, the more I still love her breasts. I’m a trooper. [The Frisky]
- Goddamn, Irina Shayk. [Popoholic]
- Snoop Dogg smoked weed in the White House. Thanks, Obama. [Starpulse]
- Miley Cyrus made a video with Pharrell if anyone still gives a shit. [tooFab]
- I suddenly forgot all about Kelly Brook. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Terry Richardson is subtle. Very, very subtle. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ll shoot you straight and tell you I’m about to make nothing but anal sex jokes. First, it’s David Beckham learning the hard way why you never turn down John Travolta‘s invite to a Sea Org cruise, then there’s Richard Gere holding a statuette of a tiny, mythical creature of lore that undoubtedly is going right up his ass, and finally, there’s Young Commissioner Gordon doing this, which isn’t necessarily about the difficult brown, but reminds me of when a dog shits and their legs shake and they look at you like “C’mon man, do you have to giggle like that? Jesus.”
Welcome to the awful, infantile prison from which there is no escape that is my mind,
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
When it rains Justin Bieber is a shithead posts, it pours, so here’s a picture of him at Disneyland tweeted by SWAGGYJB3194 and you’ll probably notice he’s in a wheelchair. According to TMZ, it’s because he used it to cut in line at Disneyland, but according to Justin’s people, it’s because he injured his knee playing basketball and already gets special treatment at Disneyland anyway, so what would be the point? Which makes sense until you realize this is another attempt to make him look like a gangsta. And while my head wants to remind everyone he’s a fucking white kid from Canada, my heart still wants to see him get shot by George Zimmerman, so ignore that all that Canada stuff I just said. Ballers be ballin’! You know how they do. Slap me some skin, blood. Fried chicken all night! (I may have taken this too far.)
Despite the fact we know she looks like Ann Coulter and Odo from DS9‘s fuck-baby now, here’s a completely realistic promo image for Britney Spears‘ lingerie line which we’re supposed to believe is designed by her even though it’s called “The Intimate Collection” instead of “Fancy Britches.” Also, not a single outfit is made out of lobster bibs, so c’mon. Don’t insult me.
Photos: Splash News
Either because he’s seen the Internet comments about his weight gain, or he’s a Bond villain (“The game’sh over, Allthepushy.”), here’s Leonardo DiCaprio doing karate for the paparazzi on a yacht yesterday. Which reminds me. Have you ever noticed how none of the models or actresses he’s slept with have ever talked about what he’s like in private? It’s weird is all. Almost like they’re afraid. Eh, I bet it’s nothing.
The “media” will try and tell you that Selena Gomez is on this yacht with her new boyfriend Tommy Chiabra even though it’s obvious she’s having hot lesbian sex with Cara Delevingne who has the sort of soft, delicate hands she’s accustomed to. In fact, at one point, she even turned to Cara and said she heard that bloggers have even softer hands, unmarred by manual labor, athletics, and general exercise. Which Cara admitted she heard, too, and that they should probably look into that sooner than later. I saw the whole thing happen.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto
Over the past few months, Lana Del Rey has given a series of exhausting interviews that you haven’t seen on this site because I’m pretty sure I just said they were exhausting. Pay attention. And now she’s given a new one to Complex that has everybody all a tizzy because there is jackshit happening thanks to Comic-Con starting tomorrow. Anyway, this time around she’s complaining about banging industry people who promised her a record deal, and then didn’t, so let’s all pretend that’s super scandalous. Human beings touching fuck-parts for a variety of motives?! Why, I never…
There are a few different ways to take your song “Fucked My Way Up to the Top.” Is it about people not wanting to give you credit for your success? Or is it about fucking people to get to the top? It’s commentary, like, “I know what you think of me,” and I’m alluding to that. You know, I have slept with a lot of guys in the industry, but none of them helped me get my record deals. Which is annoying.
Keep in mind, she banged Marilyn Manson, Axl Rose, and presumably Lady Gaga and Lindsay Lohan at the same time, after she scored a record deal, so I’m guessing these industry types weren’t horrifying drug beasts the way she likes. I can see how that might be annoying. Not to mention Axl Rose at least offers you a ham sandwich when he’s done fucking you. He may have just found it under his bed, and it’s not so much a sandwich as a shoe with bologna in it, but it’s the thought that counts.
After being called to Justin Bieber‘s Beverly Hills condo six times over the weekend for noise violations from the parties he threw on both Saturday and Sunday night, the police have basically just said “fuck it” and are telling his neighbors to place him under citizen’s arrest if he does anymore stupid shit. TMZ reports:
People in the building tell TMZ … the hallways and elevators reeked of pot. And several guests say drug use was obvious.
One person says, “There were bimbos lining up to do drugs in the lobby bathroom.”
Law enforcement sources tell us … cops have spoken to residents, Bieber and his management to resolve the situation.
We’re told police informed residents cops can’t make an arrest for a misdemeanor if they don’t see it happen … but the residents can take matters into their own hands by placing Bieber under arrest.
In the meantime, I’ve taken the liberty of starting a GoFundMe account to get George Zimmerman moved into Justin Bieber’s building. That should clear this right up provided we all swallow our pride and admit that Justin Bieber’s right: He is the hardest, blackest rapper that ever lived. Black as night.
Photos: RMBI SPOT / Vantagenews / AKM-GSI